middle schooler obsessed with using perfect grammar online -> adult who uses like every text abbreviation possible
watched the matrix
Keane is a MALE alpha god and you will rightfully address him as a penis carrying person you heathen❣️
kinda want you to die
Do they think enbys can’t have dicks
poor things, well we should definitely make this easier on them by never repeatedly mentioning their name and deeds on the "reblog things forever" website
baristas deserve 100 dollars per hour
there's a whole culture of mostly white women whose entire personality is "Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee or ill kill you" and a barista's job is to deal with those people before they've had their coffee
these are the most early 2000s nu metal motherfuckers i have ever laid my eyes on, and exactly what i would expect from the people who voiced ed edd n eddy
#they look like what smashmouth sounds like
My brother's girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it's completely free if you're in one of the "at risk" groups.
"What does that mean," he asks.
"It's free if you're gay," he's told.
"Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or...?"
"Just put in a check mark here."
My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he's stingy as it gets. So now he's officially gay. Congrats bro.
"Doctor, give it to me straight"
"You sure, there's a fee"
"… Give it to me gay"
AGAB (Assigned Gay At Billing)
Fascinated by the fact that his first question was about if he'd have to prove it. I wanna know how far that man would go to save less than a dollar
Sorry, do you think 87 euros is less than a dollar
honestly really sexy of tumblr to keep follower numbers private. how many people are following me? you'll never know unless I tell you. maybe it's a million, or a thousand, or five, or maybe it's just you. maybe you're the only one here, all by yourself, unable to see if there's anyone standing next to you.
and you'd never know, because status here is based on opinion and not numbers; how popular you think someone is is a vibes-only calculation, and besides the chronological algorithms-optional feed, it's genuinely the best thing tumblr's ever done.
every other social media site: here's how many followers this person has
tumblr:
ALT
i hate you alternative wellness natural chemical free vegan non-GMO herbal intuitive whole foods healing raw high vibrational plant based cleanse gluten free superfood supplement blend bullshit!!!! You're not healthier and more balanced and connected to the Earth because your smoothies are full of unidentifiable green and brown powders you got from a subscription box to ✨URTH-CRUNCH VAGINAL ENLIGHTENMENT✨!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You do not need to Buy Product
There is no advertisement on social media for whole, natural, pure foods 'cause they grow out the fucking ground
Go to a farmer's market. Start a garden yourself. Drill some holes in the bottom of a 5gal bucket and start growing stuff on your porch
There is no Product that will make you connected to Earth, because Earth is what you're fucking standing on, and what you see when you step outside is no less pure or natural or sacred than some exotified jungle in Africa
Nature is everywhere and FREE. Dandelions growing out of the sidewalk? Nature. Moss on a concrete step? Nature. A tree in a park in town? That's nature baby. Weeds on the side of the road? NATURE. She's everywhere!
And if you don't feel surrounded by nature already? If you don't see the bounty of nature in the world around you? Don't order some stupid product in a plastic package about it. Ask yourself WHY.
How come you feel the need to Buy Product that "Comes From The Dirt" one fuckthousand miles away? There's dirt beneath you. There's plants around you. How come your HOME doesn't feed you and provide for you? How come you don't find "healthy" and "natural" just by stepping outside?
Is there a farmer's market? Can you start a garden? Are there wild plants you can safely forage? WHY NOT? Is the Earth beneath you pure and unpolluted? WHAT HAPPENED?
What happened to your home? What has estranged you? I hope you think about it. I hope it keeps you up at night.
